More than 100 million Americans live with chronic pain according to the Institute of Medicine. For some people with chronic pain, the worst part about it isn’t the pain itself or the treatments they have to take, but making their friends and loved ones understand how much it hurts. People who have never experienced chronic pain often cannot understand it, especially when it’s caused by an “invisible” condition like fibromyalgia. This lack of common understanding can take its toll on even the most solid of relationships. This is why people with chronic pain must find a way to talk to their loved ones about it so that they can get much-needed support.
Don’t be afraid to talk about your pain
A lot of people endure chronic pain in secret due to the fear of their loved ones’ reaction to it or lack thereof. You never know how someone will react when you tell them about chronic pain; some will offer advice, others deep sympathy, while some may even condemn the way you’re feeling. People view life from their unique vantage points, and their views are often judgmental and self-involved. While this fear is logical, you must not let it stop you from having an honest conversation about pain with a loved one. You’re better off being judged than having to lie or keep explaining yourself when you can’t go out, spend time with them, or even get out of bed. Plus, after letting them know, you’ll know the people you can rely on and those you can’t during the bad times. If it helps, you can talk about it in the presence of a psychiatrist or your doctor.
Let them know the medical side of things
A little education about your condition can go a long way in making your loved ones gain a better understanding of what you are dealing with. Without that education, most people will not understand your condition — and when they can’t understand it, they probably won’t believe it, either. Luckily, there’s a lot of information available to help your loved ones understand chronic pain, especially on the internet. While at it, make sure you go into the details about the medical side of things.
For example, explain to them if an underlying medical condition like nerve damage, Lyme disease, or arthritis is causing your chronic pain. If they are willing, you can have them accompany you to some of your medical appointments where your doctor can help them gain a better understanding and answer any questions they have. Don’t forget to talk about what you are doing to cope with your pain; for example, the types of medications you are taking and how they affect you.
Let them know how they can help
Many of your loved ones will want to help you, but they may not know exactly how to do that. Whether you need emotional support, help to do certain chores when the pain is too much, or even financial support when times get tough, try to communicate these needs to your loved ones. However, let them know that it’s okay to say “no.” When people feel guilty about saying “no,” it leads to an unhealthy, codependent relationship, which ultimately may trigger burnout even in your strongest supporters.
Chronic pain not only impacts the person who’s living through it but also their loved ones. Do not let the pain come between you and the people you love. Be honest about your pain with them and work as a team to come up with strategies to control, reduce, or even get rid of the pain.
By Chrissy Phillips
