Recognizing when a loved one is in pain and needs help can be hard. Talking to them about getting addiction treatment can be even harder. When you support a friend or family member as they start the process of seeking help for their drug or alcohol addiction, you can feel drained— emotionally and physically. They may be resistant to getting treatment or seem in denial that they need treatment. Sometimes your loved one may even act out angrily, turn away from you or become distant.
Think about how hard it is for most people to admit they have a problem, let alone one as stigmatized as addiction. If you want to help your friend or family member get treatment, you’ll have to approach them with confidence and compassion. It won’t be easy, but we can help. Here are a few of the best tips from people who’ve been in similar shoes.
Have the conversation sober
Talking to your loved one is much easier and much more effective if he or she is not using at the moment. If you try to bring up the conversation when they have been abusing substances, they are unable to listen with a clear mind and an open heart. When they are sober, they are also more likely to remember the conversation or even go right then to a treatment facility.
When your loved one has a clear head, they will be more open to logic and reason. They will be better able to listen and be persuaded. However, they might also feel anxious or depressed, especially if their addiction is a coping mechanism for undiagnosed mental health issues. Be mindful and sensitive about their emotional state. Some ways to be compassionate but firm include:
- Blaming the behavior, but not the person.
- Make sure they know they are worthy of happiness.
- Emphasize how strong they are, especially if they have been through trauma.
- Let them know you will be there to support them as much or as little as they want. They won’t be alone.
- Give them a picture of a hopeful future to focus on.
Get advice from an addictions counselor
Don’t assume because you know the person, you know their addiction. Talk to a therapist or counselor about the nature of addiction. It’s important you move beyond any stereotypes or misconceptions that you may have — and you may not even know you have them. Some common misinterpretations we have about addiction include:
- The addiction is the only problem.
- The person with the addiction can stop anytime they want.
- Addiction is a sign or weakness— both in body and in morals.
- Prescription medication addictions are okay because they come from a doctor.
- The addiction must not be severe because the loved one still goes to work or school.
- There isn’t anything you can do to help.
A substance abuse counselor can help you understand the fallacies behind these statements. Not only that, but they can also give you tools to make having the conversation easier, more comfortable and more likely to succeed.
Avoid enabling a person with an addiction
You want to help alleviate pain for your loved one. That’s the whole reason you’re having this conversation in the first place. Sometimes, however, our desire to help turns into enabling. What does enabling look like? You might be causing more harm than good if you:
- Give money to the addict.
- Ignore it when they use in front of you.
- Cover for them at work or school.
- Take care of their responsibilities such as housework, paying bills or child care.
You have to set healthy boundaries for yourself and your loved one. Being in your life doesn’t give them the right to bring chaos into it. Helping isn’t enabling. Instead, helping is supporting their recovery, not their addiction.
Starting a conversation with a friend or family member about addiction recovery can be a nerve-wracking time. Remember to stay focused on finding a balance between showing compassion and staying firm in your resolve.
3 Tips for Helping a Loved One Get Addiction Treatment by Jim Vogel
