Eleanor Vale’s Book – Secrets of Dating and Mating After Medicare
There is no doubt that we experience pain as we enter our older years. As we enter our 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, (yes even our 100s), we experience first-hand more physical pain, psychological pain and emotional pain. Physical, because we see our bodies change physically- muscles wither, skin sags – our physique is not what it used to be. Psychological and emotional because we lose family, friends, and of necessity, become more dependent upon others. We are no longer able to do the things we used to do without help. It may be as simple as opening a jar, or a door, or as complex as taking care of our own health and finances.
Those of you in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, who are reading this probably say something like “yuk, something not to look forward to” or if you are a positive person (and I hope you are), you are saying something like “I am going to beat this. I am going to take great care of myself. I am going to prepare myself, physically, psychologically and emotionally so well, that I will experience a wonderfully ripe, golden old age.” BEWARE. That’s when you make yourself your most important job! Unfortunately, in that case, you lose much of your humanity, your generous spirit, and you will find yourself quite isolated emotionally and psychologically when you enter your 60s and on.
I am an 83-year-old woman and I am here to tell you that I’ve never been happier. This fact is the point of this article. Yes, I experience the pain of my physique breaking down. I see it every time I look in the mirror, every time I take a step. My breathing is heavier and slower. Yes, I’ve experienced great emotional pain of loss, including a husband to whom I was married for 44 years, and the deaths of long-lasting elementary, high school and college friends who were like family to me. I know that I am due to experience more physical changes, and more emotional pain of loss. It’s inevitable.
So, despite my waning strength, my deteriorating physique, my emotional pain of increasing loss of loved folks, how can I say “I’ve never been happier?”
My answer is “Somewhere along the way, in the past 6 years or so, I found peace.” Yes, I am totally at peace with myself. To put it proverbially, “I am not trying to change what cannot be changed, and I accept what I must accept.” I accept where I am in life. I accept what I’ve become. Who I am. What my finances are. How my children have turned out. Where I’ve been, things I’ve done, mistakes I’ve made, successes I’ve had.
I am at peace with myself.
That means I no longer experience jealousy, anger, frustration, impatience. I do not feel the need to brag, to show-off, nor the desire to complain and demand.
Now, when I take a walk, with my cane, I feel at peace with my surroundings. I see the birds overhead, see and hear the cacophyony of the traffic, the people walking at all different strides as part of a living landscape, and the indication of a harmonious world.
I feel centered.
A sense of inner balance. My mind and heart are at peace. For those of you who are spiritual, you may find peace through your religion, through Zen, or Yoga. If whatever you have been doing provides you with a sense of inner balance, which I call “feeling centered” then you must feel at peace. For those of you who remember your classical philosophy remember it was Socrates who spoke of the “perfect mean” – the perfect balance. You may have found it earlier in your life than I did. But I found it in my 70s, and I encourage you to find it now, one way or another.
Be careful.
Feeling at peace is not the same as being complacent. The outside, physical manifestations may appear the same. Someone who meets you may find you easy to get along with, not argumentative, relaxed. Dinner not ready on time – so what. Things don’t happen on time – so what.
But complacency is a kind of giving up.
You are telling yourself, this is what everything is meant to be. I cannot do anything about it. So just give up. Perhaps you tell yourself you have the best of everything, in a more negative way, this is all that will be yours, or come to you in life. Nothing can be done. I must accept what I cannot change. That’s a different end result of that proverb I stated at the beginning of this article. However, complacency does not bring you peace. It makes you feel heavier in spirit. Less able to enjoy life because it is more isolating. You feel more jaded. “I’ve been there, done that.” Often, there is a smugness attached to complacency.
Being at peace is freeing.
I no longer have the burdens on my shoulder, on my mind that I once had. I feel lighter and brighter. Peace allows me to move around more easily….not physically, you understand…but psychologically and emotionally.
I live in harmony with life.
Being at peace has allowed me to make new friends, develop new loves, travel to new destinations, try new foods, have new experiences. I am more giving. I laugh more easily. I make others laugh.
My husband died when I was 74 years old. Since then I developed a new love, with whom I am bonded. I wrote a book, “Secrets of Dating and Mating After Medicare – A Journey into the Incredible World of Dating, Loving and Marrying of Singles of 60”. After writing the book, I’ve been privileged to appear on podcasts, Radio, TV, panels on aging. These activities have lead me to start at website, Reset My Clock. Com “Where Seniors Come to Get Back in the Game of Life.”
At 83, I am still moving peacefully onward. I do not feel entitled to anything. I do not feel desirous of success. I count all of this a wonderful experience and life-enhancing. I do not feel rejected when I am turned down for anything that I believe I would like to try to do. I feel blessed to be able to simply try to do it. I consider writing for IPain a great privilege.
I am living through the best part of my life. At 83 years old I have never been happier.
Eleanor Vale’s Bio
I wish the same to you.
Author:
ELEANOR VALE, Re-Set My Clock, LLC
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