Cancer is a disease that touches almost everyone, whether it’s a close relative, friend, or one of your children’s teachers. If you find yourself faced with a loved one suffering with cancer, there are things you can do to support them through their journey. While each person’s needs will be different, the following tips will give you a starting point as you struggle with how to react and what to say in the face of such distressing news.
A cancer diagnosis is not only devastating, but confusing and full of mixed emotions, too. Someone who has cancer may wonder what they did to cause it and wonder if it’s worse than their doctor has explained. There will be a million questions running through their mind at all times and even more doubts about their future. Listen to their concerns and offer your support, not your advice. One Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center social worker notes that simply listening is the most meaningful action you can take.
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Don’t act as if the cancer doesn’t exist, but don’t dwell.
It may feel as though you are walking on eggshells, and talking about your loved one’s condition may be uncomfortable. However, it’s now a major part of their life. Don’t try to change the subject if they mention it, but don’t be afraid to make plans that have nothing to do with the disease with your friend. For instance, if you previously enjoyed getting massages together, ask if they feel well enough to continue your tradition.
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Help them stay comfortable.
One thing is universally true with cancer: it hurts. The Journal of the National Cancer Institute explains that there are different types of pain, but pain associated with cancer is “particularly vicious.” With this in mind, look for ways to help your loved one manage their discomfort. They will likely be provided with pain medication from their oncologist, but it isn’t always enough, and may not be effective on its own. Gift them warm blankets and fuzzy socks as well as books and movies to direct their attention away from the pain. If possible, and with their permission, create a comfortable space where they can reflect and meditate. HomeAdvisor suggests finding a room away from the main living area of the home. An area with a view of the outside world is best. Meditation can help ease the burden of pain and lessen its sensation. It’s a powerful palliative tool that has been used for decades to supplement radiation, chemotherapy, and other traditional cancer treatment methods.
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Offer to run errands or help around the house.
Cancer treatment takes time, and often, a patient’s home is the first area that this imbalance of time is felt. Dishes may go unwashed, weeds allowed to grow in flower beds, and laundry dropped in piles throughout the house. Other daily activities, such as grocery shopping and picking children up from school, may also be a burden in between doctor’s visits and trying to recover from fatigue. Offer to pick up the slack in the form of practical help. Small gestures, such as mowing the lawn or cleaning the kitchen, can be a huge help. A side note here: Your loved one may have become sensitive to harsh cleaning chemicals, so use unscented or natural cleaners if possible.
It can be difficult for friends and family members to know how to react when a loved one is told they have cancer. The worst thing you can do, however, is to ignore the facts or make cancer the only topic of conversation. Listen to their concerns, and be there when they need help. Hopefully, they will recover and have the chance to leave this experience behind them.
By Scott Sanders
